Culture News

How Many Inches Did You Get? A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUCEMENT

Have British people been duped by their unwillingness to stray from imperial units of measurement?

jackandjohn

willandgareth

Local “fake news” organisations have left their readerships crestfallen. Through cunningly utilising the British public’s unwillingness to stray from imperial units of measurement, they have duped many innocent Britons into using the kind of language that may be acceptable on MTV or Malcolm in the Middle, but not on our doorsteps.

The above statements are a mere handful of pre-watershed examples of the trickery that has taken place in Blighty.

DON’T WANT TO GET HOODWINKED? Follow MO’NING’s simple 1-step plan of action.

STEP 1

Avoid discussing snowfall with anybody outside your innermost trusted circles. Snowfall small talk is the number 1 cause of “misconstrude” statements in the UK. Obviously, it’s impossible to keep exact neighbourhood weather figures entirely to yourself, so we suggest you limit it to your nearest and dearest. If you’re unsure who to trust, we’ve created a simple chart for you to follow, so that you can rest easy in the knowledge that nobody’s been running their mouth. Or should I say… YOUR… mouth.

PERSON

TRUST or NO TRUST?

Your dog

Trust

Next door neighbour

Don’t trust

People with cameras or notebooks

Don’t trust

***Milkman***

Do not trust

People at the pub

Trust

Wife

Don’t trust

***if you buy your milk from the supermarket or local shop this does not concern you***

Filmmaker living in Hiroshima, Japan. Mo'ning.

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