Culture

Picasso. Picass-no?

Sam Simon has uncovered the damning truth: Mr P. Picasso isn't who we think he is.

Everyone – whether youre interested in art or not, knows of Spanish grandmasterpainter Pablo Picasso. But really, how familiar are you with the surrealist cubist? How closely have you studied Guernica? How well can you picture The Weeping Woman in your minds eye? In fact, how familiar is anyone with anything? Thats the question this writer is asking after uncovering some damning evidence that is sending shockwaves throughout the art world: Pablo Picasso is actually just a string of ten-year-old boys called Chad.

The legendary artist once stated: Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.

Well, after years of research, including countless trips along the shores of Malaga and through the streets of Paris, I have discovered that the way to remain an artist, is in fact, remaining a child. A man, Raul Vasquez, has come forward with proof that when Chad Green was ten years old living in Des Moines, Iowa, he received a B- for a painting (shown below) he did during art time. Vazquez, a Spanish businessman who worked with Chads father, saw the painting displayed on the family fridge and asked to take it home with him to Spain, where it received rave reviews.

seated-woman
Seated Woman by “Pablo Picasso”

Thinking that he could profit greatly from young Mr Green, Sr Vazquez requested that all of Chads work be sent to him after completion. This ruse was successful for a number of years. While Chad was given gold stars in The States for his ability to mostly stay within the lines, in Spain this mystery artist was lauded as the leader of a new generation of artists. He became so popular that Sr Vazquez needed to invent a new persona, so as not to have it discovered that young Chad was in fact just a ten-year-old boy from Iowa. The arrangement worked for a few years until Chad started high school, where he reportedly got laid in his sophomore year and lost the ability to produce work that was desired by the European elite.

Sr Vazquez thought that his run was up. That was until he received a mysterious package from a ten-year-old boy named Chad Rodgers in Silver Springs, Maryland. Inside was a stack of paintings, including one (shown below) originally titled Mommys out of wine.

blue-nude
Blue Nude by “Pablo Picasso”

Young Rodgers was lauded by his art teacher for not wasting the classescolor palette. But in Europe, he found an immediate success, where his vision, or rather Picassosvision, was deemed to possess a deeply moving example of despair and rejection, and Sr Vazquez found a new lease on his professional life. If this all sounds a bit far-fetched, or like you need more proof, consider two things: Does this look like the self-portrait of a real man with a real face? Or does it look like ten-year-old Chad Brown doodling his father during history class?

pablo-picasso-self-portraits-chronology-5
Self-portrait – Age 90 By “Pablo Picasso”

And finally, Ill leave you with this quote from Pablo Picasso(Chad Simmons, Vacaville, California) who once said, Everything you can imagine is real.

About Sam Simon

I like tacos and hot sauce, though not necessarily together

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