Middlesborough Man’s Friends All Celebrating His Birthday

Local man, James Hurst - 30, was in a rut following a day of large expectations, and a night of heavy disappointment.

Local man, James Hurst – 30, was in a rut following a day of large expectations, and a night of heavy disappointment. Those close to him say that he woke up in a good mood on the morning of his thirtieth birthday, but that his humor began to deteriorate around midday, during brunch at his favorite restaurant. Its unclear as to whether or not McDonalds was to fault for the downswing in his demeanor, but eyewitnesses say that he had one hand, and at least one eye, on his new Google Pixel for much of the meal.

Those with knowledge of the situation claim that he was accustomed to receiving maybe forty to fiftymessages of birthday cheer on his Facebook wall, but that by 4:00 pm, he hadnt yet cracked twenty.

Daniel Lee/MO’NING

He had already made the difficult decision to just have a chilled oneat the local, and for folks to stop by if they canbut the people I spoke with said that the plan was aided by the fact that his normal friends, those with whom he shared a birthday tradition, were out of town.

What we do know is that at 8:26 pm, Ryan OMalley posted on his wall, Coming to you live with a birthday blast from Corfu, hope youre enjoying the cozy weather back there pal xand that at 9:01, Rebecca Thompson wrote, Mikey and I are gutted we cant be there, bringing you back a tasty treat from Alicante x. We spoke to Ms Thompsons mother, who said the tasty treat was probably turróns or maybe some hard cheese, like a Manchego, Rebbecca loves Manchego. She normally brings back wine for me and my husband, but Id guess it was turróns, or maybe a Manchego.

Murray’s Cheese

The next tidbit we collected was at 11:04 pm when Trevor Hollingsworth posted, Celebrating you here in Berlin! Its bloody cold, but Im soldiering on! Off to Berghain, wish I was there! x”. We were unable to confirm if he did indeed wish to be in Middlesborough.


The final hard evidence we have is at 2:11 am when his best friend Aaron Michaels posted, Aloha mate! Its still your birthday here on Maui! Will be luau-ing in your honor all day! Pints on me when I get back. If I come back!Those at the beach confirmed that he was making the surfs uphand gesture when posting.

When we tried to get James to comment, it was reported that he fell asleep on his couch with Kayak and Skyscanner open on his Lenovo Ideapad. He may also have had a half-empty tinny of Red Stripe, and a full basket of Jerk wings on the table, though were wondering if his dog, Ralph didnt eat the wings.

About Sam Simon

I like tacos and hot sauce, though not necessarily together

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