Local man, James Hurst – 30, was in a rut following a day of large expectations, and a night of heavy disappointment. Those close to him say that he woke up in a good mood on the morning of his thirtieth birthday, but that his humor began to deteriorate around midday, during brunch at his favorite restaurant. It’s unclear as to whether or not McDonald’s was to fault for the downswing in his demeanor, but eyewitnesses say that he had one hand, and at least one eye, on his new Google Pixel for much of the meal.
Those with knowledge of the situation claim that he was accustomed to receiving “maybe forty to fifty” messages of birthday cheer on his Facebook wall, but that by 4:00 pm, he hadn’t yet cracked twenty.
He had already made the difficult decision to just “have a chilled one” at the local, and for folks to “stop by if they can” but the people I spoke with said that the plan was aided by the fact that his normal friends, those with whom he shared a birthday tradition, were out of town.
What we do know is that at 8:26 pm, Ryan O’Malley posted on his wall, “Coming to you live with a birthday blast from Corfu, hope you’re enjoying the cozy weather back there pal x” and that at 9:01, Rebecca Thompson wrote, “Mikey and I are gutted we can’t be there, bringing you back a tasty treat from Alicante x”. We spoke to Ms Thompson’s mother, who said the tasty treat was “probably turróns or maybe some hard cheese, like a Manchego, Rebbecca loves Manchego. She normally brings back wine for me and my husband, but I’d guess it was turróns, or maybe a Manchego.”
The next tidbit we collected was at 11:04 pm when Trevor Hollingsworth posted, “Celebrating you here in Berlin! It’s bloody cold, but I’m soldiering on! Off to Berghain, wish I was there! x”. We were unable to confirm if he did indeed wish to be in Middlesborough.
The final hard evidence we have is at 2:11 am when his best friend Aaron Michaels posted, “Aloha mate! It’s still your birthday here on Maui! Will be luau-ing in your honor all day! Pint’s on me when I get back. If I come back!” Those at the beach confirmed that he was making the ‘surf’s up’ hand gesture when posting.
When we tried to get James to comment, it was reported that he fell asleep on his couch with Kayak and Skyscanner open on his Lenovo Ideapad. He may also have had a half-empty tinny of Red Stripe, and a full basket of Jerk wings on the table, though we’re wondering if his dog, Ralph didn’t eat the wings.