Culture Lists

NINE REASONS TO DUMP FATHER CHRISTMAS

Linda Appledore tells us exactly why it's time to move on from Mr. F Christmas

1.  No one that fat should ever wear red. And the white trimmings do nothing to detract from the redness of it all.

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2.  Anyone who visits that many houses in one evening and drinks a sherry at each one is definitely NOT fit to drive a sleigh.

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3.  The fact that he creeps into children’s bedrooms late at night leaves me in no doubt at all the man is definitely a pervert.

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4.  Anyone who can employ that many elves and not even pay them the minimum wages is totally out of order.

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5.  Those black rubber boots are SO last year and definitely shows the man has a fetish for rubber.

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6. All that ringing of loud bells in shopping centres, and shouting HO HO HO, is adding to noise pollution which is a growing problem, and anyway what does HO actually mean?

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7.  Asking children to sit on his knees – PLEASE SEE POINT 3 for further evidence.

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8. He only works once a year, and everyone else has to slog away for 365 days, apart from two weeks holiday which is always a flop, and you wonder why you went anyway, and can’t wait to come home.

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9. He lives in Lapland – who the hell lives in Lapland? They don’t even have a Waitrose or Lidl in Lapland, so he is obviously getting his supplies flown in from somewhere else adding to the thinning of the ozone layer, more expense on fuel from the aeroplanes that do his fetching and carrying.  Also taking food from countries where there is not enough food for the people that live in those countries, let alone to feed a fat git like him.

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LET’S DUMP HIM NOW.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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